Guest Blogger, Rabbi Brynjegard-Bialik:Elul and Rock and Roll Etiquette

The first time I saw Ben Lee in concert he did something that I had never seen before. Ben Lee is one of my favorite singer/songwriters, and this concert was mostly him and his guitar on a stage decorated with flowers.

Throughout the show he offered the audience tips on “Rock and Roll Concert Etiquette” (you could almost hear him saying it with capital letters), and at the end of the show he told us that it was customary at the end of a Rock and Roll Show for the band to leave the stage and for the audience to clap and yell and demand an encore. However, he added, the audience knows that the band is coming back, and the band knows they are coming back -- but they miss all the accolades while they’re milling around backstage waiting to come back.

Ben Lee said he wanted to enjoy our cheering, so instead of going backstage he would stay on stage and just turn around to face away from the audience; that way we could enjoy the praise while waiting the appropriate interval before an encore.

He said all this very tongue-in-cheek, but that’s exactly what he did -- he turned around, and we clapped and cheered and yelled for one more song. I was in the front row, and I could see his smile when he turned back around, thanked the crowd, and started playing again.

This week the month of Elul begins. In “Jewish time” this is the last month of the year -- the time to get ready for Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur. We spend this month reflecting on the past year. Our liturgy focuses on slichot –- asking for forgiveness -- and on recognizing our mistakes and trying to do better in the year to come. We do a heshbon nefesh, an accounting of the soul. we take stock of who we are and how we are living up to our values. This process can be somewhat self-critical; the focus tends to be recognizing where we have missed the mark and asking for forgiveness -– from others, from God, and from ourselves. Elul is the time to start saying “I’m sorry”.

Can we also prepare our souls by saying “thank you”? How often do we let the people in our lives know that we appreciate them?

The Ben Lee concert reminded me that it is just as important to listen to praise and thanks, to accept it graciously, and to allow ourselves to enjoy our accomplishments. How often do we blow off a heartfelt “thank you” from a friend or colleague by responding, “it was nothing”? We do a disservice to ourselves when we diminish our actions and a disservice to others when we say that their acknowledgement is unimportant. What are we saying to the person offering us a compliment if we brush it off like their words do not matter to us?

We have a month to prepare for the Days of Awe, a month of self-reflection to prepare for the year ahead. Use this month not only to say “I’m sorry,” but also “thank you.” As you reflect on the things you want to change in the coming year, take some time to reflect on the things that worked in the past year -– the positive changes from previous years and the best parts of yourself that you want to nurture. Take the time to acknowledge thanks and compliments, as well as offering them freely.

[Posted by Rabbi Shawna Brynjegard-Bialik]